I am so excited & completely overwhelmed that my prayers have been and will continue to be answered. My non-profit is moving forward, my career is taking great turns, and I am just loving me some me.
~God Bless
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
God, please read this.
Dear God,
I just want to start off with saying 'thank you' for all you have done for me. I've been bless beyond measure and I love you so so much....
Growing up my brother & I were inseparable. He is 4 years younger than me so I made it a point to be his body guard, protector, his everything. When a kid took his lunch money, in kindergarten, I went and smacked the kid and then informed the teacher of what the kid was doing to my brother and the kid never messed with him again. That made me smile. Well growing up we began to grow apart, I went off to high school and he was still in middles school, I then went to college and he started high school so our worlds just went in opposite directions. During my brothers 10th grade year of high school, he changed. Became so different. He never felt good enough and he would compare himself to me. A barrier that him and I both had to overcome was our learning disabilities. But his was a harder fight.
Fast forwarding to today and my 22 year old brother has the mental capacity of a 7 year old. He is unable to have complete thoughts and he is very reactive versus proactive. My mother is unable to leave him home alone for no more than 2 consecutive days. I am just so scared. No one can even begin to know how it feels to watch someone just deteriorate before their eyes and feel as though there's nothing you can do. Growing up all my brother wanted to do was be an Veterinarian, I mean this boy could spit you any and all information on any animal, breed, species, anatomy make-up etc because he would spend hours reading and studying animals. But when it came to college time he shut down and decided it wasn't for him. See, I'm not a man so I really don't know if there is a phase in a man's life where he just shuts down to the world but then later opens or if my brother is gone. Lord knows I miss him. I just want to come home one holiday and he comes out his room and just gives me a hug or just say hello. I just don't know. I am strongly considering bringing him out to TX for a couple of weeks and see if he will just open up if its just me and him. I just don't know. But I really think my eyes are running out of tears. I mean, what will happen if my parents were to pass today. Who would take care of him, would he know what to do, where to go?
God, I know my thoughts are everywhere but I need you.
Yours Truly,
Joi
I just want to start off with saying 'thank you' for all you have done for me. I've been bless beyond measure and I love you so so much....
Growing up my brother & I were inseparable. He is 4 years younger than me so I made it a point to be his body guard, protector, his everything. When a kid took his lunch money, in kindergarten, I went and smacked the kid and then informed the teacher of what the kid was doing to my brother and the kid never messed with him again. That made me smile. Well growing up we began to grow apart, I went off to high school and he was still in middles school, I then went to college and he started high school so our worlds just went in opposite directions. During my brothers 10th grade year of high school, he changed. Became so different. He never felt good enough and he would compare himself to me. A barrier that him and I both had to overcome was our learning disabilities. But his was a harder fight.
Fast forwarding to today and my 22 year old brother has the mental capacity of a 7 year old. He is unable to have complete thoughts and he is very reactive versus proactive. My mother is unable to leave him home alone for no more than 2 consecutive days. I am just so scared. No one can even begin to know how it feels to watch someone just deteriorate before their eyes and feel as though there's nothing you can do. Growing up all my brother wanted to do was be an Veterinarian, I mean this boy could spit you any and all information on any animal, breed, species, anatomy make-up etc because he would spend hours reading and studying animals. But when it came to college time he shut down and decided it wasn't for him. See, I'm not a man so I really don't know if there is a phase in a man's life where he just shuts down to the world but then later opens or if my brother is gone. Lord knows I miss him. I just want to come home one holiday and he comes out his room and just gives me a hug or just say hello. I just don't know. I am strongly considering bringing him out to TX for a couple of weeks and see if he will just open up if its just me and him. I just don't know. But I really think my eyes are running out of tears. I mean, what will happen if my parents were to pass today. Who would take care of him, would he know what to do, where to go?
God, I know my thoughts are everywhere but I need you.
Yours Truly,
Joi
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Dear God, I Surrender
As I venture, very gradually, into the zone of surrender, I am wonderstruck at how different things seem in its domain. The outside circumstances have changed not a whit, but where they would have earlier had me in a welter of anger, worry, anxiety and so on, now they don't concern me much. In fact, this is what I am given to understand. None of this is my stuff. It's all God's stuff! My thoughts are God's stuff. My feelings are God's stuff. My reactions are God's stuff. My achievements are God's stuff. My mistakes are God's stuff. I simply do not have to tackle the contents of my mind. I can just turn them over, lock and barrel, as is, where is, to God's custody. Liberation? I should think so.
It was said that "Deeds are done. There is no doer thereof." Guilt over our misdeeds and pride over our achievements, were both misplaced, since 'we' simply were not there!
That experience is becoming a reality, and although the ego is still very present, I can begin to feel how irrelevant the self is in the scheme of things.
Things are so much better in the absence of the self. Alas, I am still reactive, but at least there is no longer any room for second level reaction - reaction over my reaction. I no longer feel guilt or remorse over my ire. I just hand it over to God. But, relax, this does not make me as heartless as I sound. Instead of kicking myself over the past, I put my attention on what I can do to make amends and to commit myself to being more in control next time. And I move on, unhampered by past luggage, no longer being "the bag lady".
Without the self, events that would have had me frothing with anxiety - a misunderstanding with someone, for instance - no longer have the power to move me. I do what I can to mend the situation, and move on. The anxiety over consequences and the constant replaying of the event in the mind are slowly leaving me.
Surrender simplifies life enormously. You no longer worry about how others see you; or why so and so is not talking to you, and so on.
Surrender is entirely different from prayer. Prayer arises out of need, and resistance. We pray for salvation from problems, relief from suffering, for success in ventures and for happiness.
Surrender arises when need and resistance have been transcended substantially. We leave it all to God's lookout and accept the consequences, good or bad. There is calmness and strength in surrender. A peace and tranquility. An entrenchment in the experience without prejudice, whether good or bad. In surrender, one savors life fully and whole-heartedly. Because we no longer want anything other than what is, we can experience it completely, without wanting to muffle the bad bits or amplify the good ones. We experience the sharp riff of physical pain, the full depth of our anger, the feel of a dog's fur on our hands, the flow of music within every cell, the tension within our body when someone says something we disagree with. There is a relaxation and a sense of time slowing down.
Without the self, we are free to focus on the other's feelings. Empty of the self's clamoring needs and desires, fears and prejudices, the other can be received fully, their needs met, their fears resolved, and their selves honored. I have yet to get here but I eagerly look forward to finally being there for others without judgment, likes and dislikes, needs and desires.
"Live Free, or Die"
It was said that "Deeds are done. There is no doer thereof." Guilt over our misdeeds and pride over our achievements, were both misplaced, since 'we' simply were not there!
That experience is becoming a reality, and although the ego is still very present, I can begin to feel how irrelevant the self is in the scheme of things.
Things are so much better in the absence of the self. Alas, I am still reactive, but at least there is no longer any room for second level reaction - reaction over my reaction. I no longer feel guilt or remorse over my ire. I just hand it over to God. But, relax, this does not make me as heartless as I sound. Instead of kicking myself over the past, I put my attention on what I can do to make amends and to commit myself to being more in control next time. And I move on, unhampered by past luggage, no longer being "the bag lady".
Without the self, events that would have had me frothing with anxiety - a misunderstanding with someone, for instance - no longer have the power to move me. I do what I can to mend the situation, and move on. The anxiety over consequences and the constant replaying of the event in the mind are slowly leaving me.
Surrender simplifies life enormously. You no longer worry about how others see you; or why so and so is not talking to you, and so on.
Surrender is entirely different from prayer. Prayer arises out of need, and resistance. We pray for salvation from problems, relief from suffering, for success in ventures and for happiness.
Surrender arises when need and resistance have been transcended substantially. We leave it all to God's lookout and accept the consequences, good or bad. There is calmness and strength in surrender. A peace and tranquility. An entrenchment in the experience without prejudice, whether good or bad. In surrender, one savors life fully and whole-heartedly. Because we no longer want anything other than what is, we can experience it completely, without wanting to muffle the bad bits or amplify the good ones. We experience the sharp riff of physical pain, the full depth of our anger, the feel of a dog's fur on our hands, the flow of music within every cell, the tension within our body when someone says something we disagree with. There is a relaxation and a sense of time slowing down.
Without the self, we are free to focus on the other's feelings. Empty of the self's clamoring needs and desires, fears and prejudices, the other can be received fully, their needs met, their fears resolved, and their selves honored. I have yet to get here but I eagerly look forward to finally being there for others without judgment, likes and dislikes, needs and desires.
"Live Free, or Die"
Thursday, April 1, 2010
What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas...Except this!
OMG! My bestfriend & I decided to get-away last weekend and we made our destination LAS VEGAS! It was a first time for me but her 2nd time. I absolutely LOVED Vegas! It's like a playground for adults. We went to a couple of Museums, did some shopping, and of course hit the party scene!!! We stayed at the Bellagio and they get 10 stars from me!!
Day 1: Friday
We visited the Madam Toussands Wax Museum. The figures were so life-like. We had the opportunity to take pictures with Tupac, Halle Berry, Oprah, & even had the chance to swing a golf club at Tiger Woods(hehehee)! We then did some shopping at the Miracle Shops which was awesome for me because Tyler doesn't really have a lot of shopping options. While at the Miracle Shops we just hit up the buffet in the casino and it was pretty good. We then did some walking on the strips and did some window shopping at Casears Palace. Friday night we got VIP passes for Rain & the Ghostbar at the Palms. We loved it!!! Great music and the crowd was crunk all night!!
Natalie with Oprah...
Natalie & I with Obama!! I started tearing up even though it was just a wax figure, lol.
If only this was the real TIGER! Hahahahaaaa!!
Natalie & I at Rain
Day 2: Saturday
Saturday was a pretty low key day. We did the Eiffel Tower ride which gave us a great view of the Bellagio water show. We went to the Fashion Show mall for a bit and grabbed a slice of pizza at a pizzaria at the Paradise Island hotel. We then did sight-seeing walking along the strip. We did happy hour at Koi and the food is absolutely delicious. Koi is a grreat place for group of girls or for a date. Well Saturday night we decided we just had to do a Chippendales Show...and boy, did we make the right decision!! haha! Well I enjoyed it more than NatNat did, lol. We got to sit front row and I was chosen to go on the stage for one of their acts and I truly enjoyed it!! GO TO A SHOW!!!! I haven't had the opportunity to go to a regular strip club but I've disgusting things about it and this show was NOTHING like it. YOU WOULD ENJOY!! After the show we went to the Jay-Z party at Tao. Ummm...The place was filled, 7000+ people! Jay-Z, Jeezy, & Memphis Bleek(sexy self) was there and the crowd was beyond hype!
At Tao for Jay-Z's party
Feelin' good! lol
Day 3: Sunday
Sunday we went to the House of Blues for the Gospel Brunch. The singers were AWESOME and the food was FANTASTIC!! We then went to the MGM Hotel to see the Lion Habitat Show. The baby cubs were so cute...Their parents on the other were NOT! lol. After the show we went to the Erotic Heritage Museum and this was soooooooo intense! lol. It went through the evolution of sex and where it will be in the future. It was very informative and pretty cool. The paintings were really good and the history was neat to read about.
Day 4: Monday
REST!!!! VEGAS was GOOD to ME!! Can not wait til' next time!!!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
"Saddest Day of My Life"
Just how I'm feelin'
Now I'm the type of bitch that's one of a kind
(Ohh)
Y'all know, the kind of bitch that like to sip that fine wine
(Umm)
Like to be on top or get it from behind
Either way I throw the pussy like the free throw line
(Aeyeah)
Break a nigga spine, tote a Calico and dare
Any bitch if come try test mine
(Umm)
Violate, one time, I cock the nine
You, motherfuckin right I bust a bitch over mine
Shit, niggaz can cheat and put tips in bitches' waist
But when we slip up, get a gun in our face
Have me missin' show dates, heart beatin' slow pace
Wonder what he doin, who the fuck he screwin'
Bitches ain't shit, know that that's your man
And they still fuck around and try to suck the nigga dick
And I'm a bad bitch, I don't play that bullshit
Bitch'll catch wreck, I ain't got a full deck nigga
Ever since I was a little girl always wanted to know
How the fuck these niggaz think, why a man move so
Why would you jeopardize your whole life
Fuckin' one bitch for one night, blame it on the liquor
How would you feel if I fucked another nigga
And told you that motherfucker made me cum quicker?
You'd probably grab the gat and put two in my back
One in my face, nigga but it's one in my waist
Go 'head and slip, watch me shut down this bitch
Cheat on who?
Nigga I'll be gone before you
And when you with the one you love, disrespect the game
Before he drive you insane, losin' your fuckin' brain
For months I used to cry, felt like I wanted to die
Kept asking God why do I deserve this?
We all make mistakes, ain't nobody perfect
We're human, and through it all, I remained a good woman to you
Prayin' for strength and losin' my faith
How could you lay in my bed and lie in my face?
Jumpin' out my sleep
Havin' nightmares of me tossin' and turnin', my heart still burnin'
Watchin' me suffer, relivin' my fears
Holdin' my pillow close while you dryin' my tears
Stop your blood clot cryin', need to stop lyin'
And look me in my eyes 'fore these plates start flyin'
And how the fuck could you disrespect us
Everything we stand for, all our love and our trust
Seems like I said before, you won't appreciate me
And everything we have 'til I'm out the fuckin' door
Try to erase all the memories
They're the ones they goin' see
If I could forget all about the past
Oh no no no no, how long will this go on?
-Foxy Brown
Now I'm the type of bitch that's one of a kind
(Ohh)
Y'all know, the kind of bitch that like to sip that fine wine
(Umm)
Like to be on top or get it from behind
Either way I throw the pussy like the free throw line
(Aeyeah)
Break a nigga spine, tote a Calico and dare
Any bitch if come try test mine
(Umm)
Violate, one time, I cock the nine
You, motherfuckin right I bust a bitch over mine
Shit, niggaz can cheat and put tips in bitches' waist
But when we slip up, get a gun in our face
Have me missin' show dates, heart beatin' slow pace
Wonder what he doin, who the fuck he screwin'
Bitches ain't shit, know that that's your man
And they still fuck around and try to suck the nigga dick
And I'm a bad bitch, I don't play that bullshit
Bitch'll catch wreck, I ain't got a full deck nigga
Ever since I was a little girl always wanted to know
How the fuck these niggaz think, why a man move so
Why would you jeopardize your whole life
Fuckin' one bitch for one night, blame it on the liquor
How would you feel if I fucked another nigga
And told you that motherfucker made me cum quicker?
You'd probably grab the gat and put two in my back
One in my face, nigga but it's one in my waist
Go 'head and slip, watch me shut down this bitch
Cheat on who?
Nigga I'll be gone before you
And when you with the one you love, disrespect the game
Before he drive you insane, losin' your fuckin' brain
For months I used to cry, felt like I wanted to die
Kept asking God why do I deserve this?
We all make mistakes, ain't nobody perfect
We're human, and through it all, I remained a good woman to you
Prayin' for strength and losin' my faith
How could you lay in my bed and lie in my face?
Jumpin' out my sleep
Havin' nightmares of me tossin' and turnin', my heart still burnin'
Watchin' me suffer, relivin' my fears
Holdin' my pillow close while you dryin' my tears
Stop your blood clot cryin', need to stop lyin'
And look me in my eyes 'fore these plates start flyin'
And how the fuck could you disrespect us
Everything we stand for, all our love and our trust
Seems like I said before, you won't appreciate me
And everything we have 'til I'm out the fuckin' door
Try to erase all the memories
They're the ones they goin' see
If I could forget all about the past
Oh no no no no, how long will this go on?
-Foxy Brown
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Living Within the Moment...
Life is such a continuous cycle that we sometimes forget to Live within It. I was reading a few articles over the weekend and I really enjoyed this one....Its things you already know but a refresher doesn't hurt. We really must "Live within the Moments"...
-Spiritual Growth, Suite 101, By Christina Downs
By living in the moment, a person can relax and enhance spirituality.
What does it mean to live in the moment? Often a person's mind is not on what he is actually doing. Instead of focusing on the current meeting, a man’s mind wonders where to go for a drink after work or what to make for dinner that night. Rather than focusing on playing a game with her children, a woman’s mind wanders to an earlier conversation with a friend.
Today’s Hectic Society Makes it Difficult to Find Peace
It's hard to focus on one item at a time. In today's hectic, multi-tasking world, people jump quickly from task to task, always worrying about what's next or dwelling on the past. People often waste "now" time, missing what is happening in the only moment that truly exists – the present moment, which is where a person finds peace.
A simple flower has no problems living in the moment, growing and dying exactly as intended, never worrying about what will happen next. Religious leaders and texts speak to this phenomenon. For example, in the Bible verses Matthew 6:28-31, Jesus asks, “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet…not even Solomon…was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field…will he not much more clothe you…”
Smelling a field of fresh wildflowers, holding a child's hand, walking barefoot on the grass – life gains meaning through the single tiny moments. Some would argue that everyone would feel more at peace by learning to live every moment to its fullest, by just being.
How to Find Peace - and Grow Closer to Spirituality Within Each Moment
How can human beings avoid losing this "now" living?
While everyone thinks about the past or the future at some point, it is possible to retain the current moment, even if just for a moment. And isn't that all that's really needed? The following four tips suggest ways to start living in the moment, helping people find peace and attain greater spirituality in everyday life:
Being in nature helps a person live in and focus on each moment . Spiritual people often feel that being in nature brings them closer to their spirituality by demonstrating creation. As a person focuses on nature, peace overcomes her, and she becomes one with everything, living in the now.
Reading a thought-provoking book helps a person live in the moment by losing himself in another world. When a reader becomes lost in a story, other life responsibilities take a back seat. Focusing on only one item - the words/ideas on the page - the reader momentarily steps away from the fast pace of real life and finds peace.
Repetitive exercise helps a person’s body and mind live in the moment. Practicing mental and physical exercise is another method that can be used to live in the now. Whether practicing Yoga, lifting weights, or walking, when the muscles are taxed, the mind follows. Focusing on each individual movement forces the mind to live in that single moment with the body.
Praying and meditating helps a person live in the moment and grow closer to God. Not only does praying bring a greater sense of spirituality for a religious individual, it also relaxes the body and mind, helping a person find peace. Meditating takes this a step further into mindfulness, becoming intensely aware of self and surroundings, senses heightened yet relaxed and peaceful.
How Living These Single Moments Helps People Find Peace in Everyday Life
At moments when a person focuses so completely on the present (whether through time in nature, reading, exercise, prayer, or some other method of living in the moment), it becomes possible to set the hectic world aside. If a person spends enough time living these moments outside of everyday responsibilities, then those moments start to stay with her, helping her find peace amidst the craziness of daily life.
Living in the moment makes a person constantly aware while at the same time feeling “above” or part of it all, like soaring in the clouds yet planted on the ground simultaneously. Living in the moment makes many problems seem less significant yet magnifies the blessings.
Eckhart Tolle, author of the books The New Earth and The Power of Now, says, “The sapling doesn't want to grow. It lives in the moment, and growing happens to it.”
Human beings can take a lesson from that sapling by living in the moment and simply letting growing happen to them. That’s the real secret to how everyone can find peace and grow closer to God - moment by moment.
LIVE...
-Spiritual Growth, Suite 101, By Christina Downs
By living in the moment, a person can relax and enhance spirituality.
What does it mean to live in the moment? Often a person's mind is not on what he is actually doing. Instead of focusing on the current meeting, a man’s mind wonders where to go for a drink after work or what to make for dinner that night. Rather than focusing on playing a game with her children, a woman’s mind wanders to an earlier conversation with a friend.
Today’s Hectic Society Makes it Difficult to Find Peace
It's hard to focus on one item at a time. In today's hectic, multi-tasking world, people jump quickly from task to task, always worrying about what's next or dwelling on the past. People often waste "now" time, missing what is happening in the only moment that truly exists – the present moment, which is where a person finds peace.
A simple flower has no problems living in the moment, growing and dying exactly as intended, never worrying about what will happen next. Religious leaders and texts speak to this phenomenon. For example, in the Bible verses Matthew 6:28-31, Jesus asks, “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet…not even Solomon…was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field…will he not much more clothe you…”
Smelling a field of fresh wildflowers, holding a child's hand, walking barefoot on the grass – life gains meaning through the single tiny moments. Some would argue that everyone would feel more at peace by learning to live every moment to its fullest, by just being.
How to Find Peace - and Grow Closer to Spirituality Within Each Moment
How can human beings avoid losing this "now" living?
While everyone thinks about the past or the future at some point, it is possible to retain the current moment, even if just for a moment. And isn't that all that's really needed? The following four tips suggest ways to start living in the moment, helping people find peace and attain greater spirituality in everyday life:
Being in nature helps a person live in and focus on each moment . Spiritual people often feel that being in nature brings them closer to their spirituality by demonstrating creation. As a person focuses on nature, peace overcomes her, and she becomes one with everything, living in the now.
Reading a thought-provoking book helps a person live in the moment by losing himself in another world. When a reader becomes lost in a story, other life responsibilities take a back seat. Focusing on only one item - the words/ideas on the page - the reader momentarily steps away from the fast pace of real life and finds peace.
Repetitive exercise helps a person’s body and mind live in the moment. Practicing mental and physical exercise is another method that can be used to live in the now. Whether practicing Yoga, lifting weights, or walking, when the muscles are taxed, the mind follows. Focusing on each individual movement forces the mind to live in that single moment with the body.
Praying and meditating helps a person live in the moment and grow closer to God. Not only does praying bring a greater sense of spirituality for a religious individual, it also relaxes the body and mind, helping a person find peace. Meditating takes this a step further into mindfulness, becoming intensely aware of self and surroundings, senses heightened yet relaxed and peaceful.
How Living These Single Moments Helps People Find Peace in Everyday Life
At moments when a person focuses so completely on the present (whether through time in nature, reading, exercise, prayer, or some other method of living in the moment), it becomes possible to set the hectic world aside. If a person spends enough time living these moments outside of everyday responsibilities, then those moments start to stay with her, helping her find peace amidst the craziness of daily life.
Living in the moment makes a person constantly aware while at the same time feeling “above” or part of it all, like soaring in the clouds yet planted on the ground simultaneously. Living in the moment makes many problems seem less significant yet magnifies the blessings.
Eckhart Tolle, author of the books The New Earth and The Power of Now, says, “The sapling doesn't want to grow. It lives in the moment, and growing happens to it.”
Human beings can take a lesson from that sapling by living in the moment and simply letting growing happen to them. That’s the real secret to how everyone can find peace and grow closer to God - moment by moment.
LIVE...
Friday, January 1, 2010
all I want is the exhilaration of changing lives
It's a New Year! A time for new adventures, new relationships, new beginnings...
This is my time.
This is my time.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
The Beginning…Chance Educational & Support Services, Inc.
It’s now time to turn my Dreams into Reality. My non-profit organization is now moving forward. We were Incorporated in the state of Louisiana in October 2009 and God has not stopped blessing us since that moment I received the Incorporation letter in the mail.
The mission of Chance Educational & Support Services is to provide services that will assist in improving the quality of life for the youth, ages 13-18. We provide a nurturing environment that promotes the well-being of individuals and family. We work with children from low income urban neighborhoods in the city of New Orleans. Our primary goal is to address the issues of at-risk youth through educational programs & real-life experiences, led by experienced counselors and mentors. Our activities will encourage personal growth & broaden the experiences of at-risk urban children providing them the opportunity to spend time in a nurturing environment.
My mind, heart, & eyes are so wide open. 2010 is my year.
The mission of Chance Educational & Support Services is to provide services that will assist in improving the quality of life for the youth, ages 13-18. We provide a nurturing environment that promotes the well-being of individuals and family. We work with children from low income urban neighborhoods in the city of New Orleans. Our primary goal is to address the issues of at-risk youth through educational programs & real-life experiences, led by experienced counselors and mentors. Our activities will encourage personal growth & broaden the experiences of at-risk urban children providing them the opportunity to spend time in a nurturing environment.
My mind, heart, & eyes are so wide open. 2010 is my year.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Can you HEAR me now?
You probably spend more time using your listening skills than any other kind of skill. Like other skills, listening takes practice.
Real listening is an active process that has three basic steps.
1. Hearing. Hearing just means listening enough to catch what the speaker is saying. For example, say you were listening to a report on zebras, and the speaker mentioned that no two are alike. If you can repeat the fact, then you have heard what has been said.
2. Understanding. The next part of listening happens when you take what you have heard and understand it in your own way. Let's go back to that report on zebras. When you hear that no two are alike, think about what that might mean. You might think, "Maybe this means that the pattern of stripes is different for each zebra."
3. Judging. After you are sure you understand what the speaker has said, think about whether it makes sense. Do you believe what you have heard? You might think, "How could the stripes to be different for every zebra? But then again, the fingerprints are different for every person. I think this seems believable."
Tips for being a good listener
- Give your full attention on the person who is speaking. Don't look out the window or at what else is going on in the room.
- Make sure your mind is focused, too. It can be easy to let your mind wander if you think you know what the person is going to say next, but you might be wrong! If you feel your mind wandering, change the position of your body and try to concentrate on the speaker's words.
-Let the speaker finish before you begin to talk. Speakers appreciate having the chance to say everything they would like to say without being interrupted. When you interrupt, it looks like you aren't listening, even if you really are.
-Let yourself finish listening before you begin to speak! You can't really listen if you are busy thinking about what you want say next.
-Listen for main ideas. The main ideas are the most important points the speaker wants to get across. They may be mentioned at the start or end of a talk, and repeated a number of times. Pay special attention to statements that begin with phrases such as "My point is..." or "The thing to remember is..."
-Ask questions. If you are not sure you understand what the speaker has said, just ask. It is a good idea to repeat in your own words what the speaker said so that you can be sure your understanding is correct. For example, you might say, "When you said that no two zebras are alike, did you mean that the stripes are different on each one?"
-Give FEEDBACK. Sit up straight and look directly at the speaker. Now and then, nod to show that you understand. At appropriate points you may also smile, frown, laugh, or be silent. These are all ways to let the speaker know that you are really listening. Remember, you listen with your face as well as your ears!
Thinking fast
Remember: time is on your side! Thoughts move about four times as fast as speech. With practice, while you are listening you will also be able to think about what you are hearing, really understand it, and give feedback to the speaker.
LISTENING to your peers, direct reports, friends, and loved ones is a very intricate part to understanding them and will go a long, long ways to build a strong relationship.
LISTEN!!
:-)
Real listening is an active process that has three basic steps.
1. Hearing. Hearing just means listening enough to catch what the speaker is saying. For example, say you were listening to a report on zebras, and the speaker mentioned that no two are alike. If you can repeat the fact, then you have heard what has been said.
2. Understanding. The next part of listening happens when you take what you have heard and understand it in your own way. Let's go back to that report on zebras. When you hear that no two are alike, think about what that might mean. You might think, "Maybe this means that the pattern of stripes is different for each zebra."
3. Judging. After you are sure you understand what the speaker has said, think about whether it makes sense. Do you believe what you have heard? You might think, "How could the stripes to be different for every zebra? But then again, the fingerprints are different for every person. I think this seems believable."
Tips for being a good listener
- Give your full attention on the person who is speaking. Don't look out the window or at what else is going on in the room.
- Make sure your mind is focused, too. It can be easy to let your mind wander if you think you know what the person is going to say next, but you might be wrong! If you feel your mind wandering, change the position of your body and try to concentrate on the speaker's words.
-Let the speaker finish before you begin to talk. Speakers appreciate having the chance to say everything they would like to say without being interrupted. When you interrupt, it looks like you aren't listening, even if you really are.
-Let yourself finish listening before you begin to speak! You can't really listen if you are busy thinking about what you want say next.
-Listen for main ideas. The main ideas are the most important points the speaker wants to get across. They may be mentioned at the start or end of a talk, and repeated a number of times. Pay special attention to statements that begin with phrases such as "My point is..." or "The thing to remember is..."
-Ask questions. If you are not sure you understand what the speaker has said, just ask. It is a good idea to repeat in your own words what the speaker said so that you can be sure your understanding is correct. For example, you might say, "When you said that no two zebras are alike, did you mean that the stripes are different on each one?"
-Give FEEDBACK. Sit up straight and look directly at the speaker. Now and then, nod to show that you understand. At appropriate points you may also smile, frown, laugh, or be silent. These are all ways to let the speaker know that you are really listening. Remember, you listen with your face as well as your ears!
Thinking fast
Remember: time is on your side! Thoughts move about four times as fast as speech. With practice, while you are listening you will also be able to think about what you are hearing, really understand it, and give feedback to the speaker.
LISTENING to your peers, direct reports, friends, and loved ones is a very intricate part to understanding them and will go a long, long ways to build a strong relationship.
LISTEN!!
:-)
Monday, December 7, 2009
Giving a Review: Know this BEFORE Giving a Peformance Review...
I truly loved this article when I read it several years ago. My boss actually gave it to me as I was preparing to give my first set of reviews, to my employees, in 2005!! It seems like only yesterday, lol! Print this and follow these steps and it will make giving a review to your employees a breeze!!! ENJOY!!
--Written by ShellBeth
Many managers don't enjoy giving performance reviews, and that's too bad. Reviews are an excellent opportunity to take a pause from the urgent-but-not-important to communicate with an employee. In many cases, your employee is eager for feedback; in others, she or he may (rightly or wrongly) dread the review. Here's how to make the performance review process not only pretty painless but also very useful.
Step 1
The most important thing I've learned about giving annual performance reviews in decades as a manager is this: the review should not be a series of surprises for the employee, especially not unpleasant surprises. This means that your job as a manager includes keeping up with your team and their strengths, weaknesses, achievements, and must-do goals. You must communicate with staff members about these and other specifics relevant to their performance all throughout the year.
Step 2
A review should not be a series of vague statements. "You meet department expectations. Rating: good." Often, a review ends up being bland because when it comes time for the manager to write it, the manager cannot recall relevant examples to back up the statements in the review. (This becomes evident when any examples that ARE cited occurred within the last month or so, something of which I've been guilty.) Be ready. Jot down notes about your employees' work throughout the year, and refer to these notes when writing the review. Keep these notes in the employee's individual folders.
Step 3
Put your employee at ease. Start the review by saying something pleasant. "You've had a good year," is good if it's accurate, or, "You've made progress in your writing." If there's nothing good to say, be gentle while being honest.
Step 4
Create realistic goals for the employee for the upcoming 12 months and explain how the person can accomplish them. "We need to see you improve your attendance. If you have errands or appointments, schedule them for before or after work, or take a vacation day."
Step 5
Give your employee some airtime! Ask his or her goals, concerns and comments on what you've said. Listen carefully, and if you disagree, explain why.
Step 6
If your company asks employees to sign the review, it is wise to include a written statement near the signature line stating that the signature indicates that the employee has seen the written review, but does not necessarily agree with all the statements it contains. After all, fair is fair.
Following these simple steps with give you the ability to knock out your reviews in NO TIME!!!!
GOOD LUCK!!! Any questions just ask me!
--Written by ShellBeth
Many managers don't enjoy giving performance reviews, and that's too bad. Reviews are an excellent opportunity to take a pause from the urgent-but-not-important to communicate with an employee. In many cases, your employee is eager for feedback; in others, she or he may (rightly or wrongly) dread the review. Here's how to make the performance review process not only pretty painless but also very useful.
Step 1
The most important thing I've learned about giving annual performance reviews in decades as a manager is this: the review should not be a series of surprises for the employee, especially not unpleasant surprises. This means that your job as a manager includes keeping up with your team and their strengths, weaknesses, achievements, and must-do goals. You must communicate with staff members about these and other specifics relevant to their performance all throughout the year.
Step 2
A review should not be a series of vague statements. "You meet department expectations. Rating: good." Often, a review ends up being bland because when it comes time for the manager to write it, the manager cannot recall relevant examples to back up the statements in the review. (This becomes evident when any examples that ARE cited occurred within the last month or so, something of which I've been guilty.) Be ready. Jot down notes about your employees' work throughout the year, and refer to these notes when writing the review. Keep these notes in the employee's individual folders.
Step 3
Put your employee at ease. Start the review by saying something pleasant. "You've had a good year," is good if it's accurate, or, "You've made progress in your writing." If there's nothing good to say, be gentle while being honest.
Step 4
Create realistic goals for the employee for the upcoming 12 months and explain how the person can accomplish them. "We need to see you improve your attendance. If you have errands or appointments, schedule them for before or after work, or take a vacation day."
Step 5
Give your employee some airtime! Ask his or her goals, concerns and comments on what you've said. Listen carefully, and if you disagree, explain why.
Step 6
If your company asks employees to sign the review, it is wise to include a written statement near the signature line stating that the signature indicates that the employee has seen the written review, but does not necessarily agree with all the statements it contains. After all, fair is fair.
Following these simple steps with give you the ability to knock out your reviews in NO TIME!!!!
GOOD LUCK!!! Any questions just ask me!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Receiving a Review: Know this BEFORE your Performance Review...
It's coming to the end of the year and like several others it's PERFORMANCE REVIEW time. The one thing that everyone dreads even if you think you are the top and best performer.
Do you remember the feeling you had when report card time rolled around in grade school? If you were a good student or had a particularly good semester, you didn't dread it. You might have even been excited because you'd get kudos and possibly a reward from your parents. On the other hand, if your grades for the past few months looked more like football scores than basketball scores, you probably had some butterflies in your stomach. Maybe you even "lost" the report card on the way home. Jump ahead a few decades and it's déjà vu. Your annual performance review is like report card day, except with nicer clothes and W-2s. You get feedback on your work for the past year, hope that it's good and set new goals for the coming months or year. The review is a chance to find out what your boss wants from you and for you to explain what you want from your job. While you could only wring your hands as you waited for the arrival of your grades, you can and should prepare for your review.
Professional Journaling:
A key thing that I ensure I do throughout the year to prepare for my review is keep a professional journal. This is something I can not live without. I record various things in my journal to ensure I don't forget when it's review time.
Items to keep in your journal:
1. Best pratices that you created and implemented
2. Recognition given to you by your peers and leaders within the company
3. Projects, I've done, in outside organizations such as sororities and clubs. (many companies think highly of these items)
4. Conflict I may have encountered from peers or from my employees. Document what the conflict was, how did you resolve it, what was the outcome, and how did you feel during this situation
5. Projects I've worked on with other teammates. Was it successful? Did it not turn out how you wanted it? What did you learn from it.
6. Trainings and certifications you have received during the year
7. Developmental opportunities you would like to take part in to learn and grow in your field such as extra classes, workshops, or conferences that would benefit both you and the company
We would love to believe that our boss remembered when we save the facility $75,000 but sometimes that does slip their mind, so keeping track of what you've done will definitely help with preparing for your review with your boss. KEEP A JOURNAL whether electronically or a simple notebook!!
The Self-Assessment:
You should spend a little time reflecting on the facts, feelings and results of the past period. The facts include what happened, successes and failures. Feelings would be how the employee reacted to the facts and how you felt your boss felt about your successes and failures. And then review the concrete results of your work. This preparation will put you in the right mindset for listening to what your boss has to say and get you thinking about what you want to discuss. The review is about you and your performance. Ask questions about how to improve your performance and to clarify expectations for your current job and the next one you want. Do not make the discussion into a critique of your boss or your peers. That is deflection rather than being useful. Accepting good and bad FEEDBACK. Nevertheless, you might find yourself wanting to deflect or raise a fuss if you receive criticism. Don't let that happen. Defensiveness is never useful. The boss wants an employee to try to understand the criticism first. Whether you disagree with the criticism or not, ask questions about it and try to understand it completely from the boss' point of view. Then if you feel that it's unfair, you can push back...gently. But if you try to push back before you really understand, it will send the message that you are not interested in feedback.Don't forget that all feedback, both the criticism and the praise, is designed to enhance your future work. For example, you've shown a command of your regular job duties, but you're not showing the leadership skills that you'd need to move on to the next level. Therefore you know you can do the job, but you need to demonstrate that you're capable of handling a promotion. The review process isn't about scolding, at least if you have a good boss, it's about making you being a better employee. If the company just wanted to criticize you, they could save everyone the time and send you a mean e-mail. Or just fire you. Your responsibility after the review is to use the criticism and praise you received in the review as guidelines for daily performance. Take a few notes and then think about what concrete steps you can take to actually improve your performance and ensure that your improvements are noticeable. Remember that you don't have to demonstrate things in the next week. After a suitable period of time, perhaps halfway to the next review, ask the boss for feedback on how you are doing on the specific issues that were addressed. That will get you feedback in time to do something about it and will get your boss to try to notice things as well.
The Salary Talk:
When you're thinking about your review, you're probably also thinking about how the outcome affects your pay. In some companies, salary negotiations might be an entirely separate meeting that takes place at a different time. Other businesses use the performance review to handle compensation talks. I urge you to think of the review and the salary discussion as separate issues. If your compensation is going to be discussed, the boss will be the one to mention it first. If the boss doesn't bring it up, at the end, ask how the salary review relates to the performance review. The purpose of performance review is to give an employee feedback about their performance with respect to expectations and to communicate future expectations. A salary review is to reset pay with respect to others in the firm and with the external market. By letting the salary talk occur naturally, you're not moving focus from you or your performance. You show the boss that your mind is on more than the paycheck and you're concerned about what he or she has to say.
What's the Next Step?
Now your review is over, you've shakened your boss' hand and you are now on your way back to your office. Take a deep breath and reflect on everything that happened in the review. Use both the positive and negative feedback as stepping stones.
Questions you should ask yourself:
1. What are my opportunities? this is another and better way of saying weaknesses. Although you should not take too much time out to try to work on your weaknesses because unforunately these items are what we were born with. The only thing you can do is make them as effective as possible so talk to your boss and peers to get feedback on how you can work on your weaknesses.
2. Where do I go next? Do you need extra training in a special field? Well talk to your boss to follow-up with him or her to see if you can sign up for training. Use your resources.
3. Where can I go to get a drink? YES, the review is over, now pat yourself on the back, document what you need to work on, and go celebrate for completing another FABULOUS year with your company!!!!
:-)
Do you remember the feeling you had when report card time rolled around in grade school? If you were a good student or had a particularly good semester, you didn't dread it. You might have even been excited because you'd get kudos and possibly a reward from your parents. On the other hand, if your grades for the past few months looked more like football scores than basketball scores, you probably had some butterflies in your stomach. Maybe you even "lost" the report card on the way home. Jump ahead a few decades and it's déjà vu. Your annual performance review is like report card day, except with nicer clothes and W-2s. You get feedback on your work for the past year, hope that it's good and set new goals for the coming months or year. The review is a chance to find out what your boss wants from you and for you to explain what you want from your job. While you could only wring your hands as you waited for the arrival of your grades, you can and should prepare for your review.
Professional Journaling:
A key thing that I ensure I do throughout the year to prepare for my review is keep a professional journal. This is something I can not live without. I record various things in my journal to ensure I don't forget when it's review time.
Items to keep in your journal:
1. Best pratices that you created and implemented
2. Recognition given to you by your peers and leaders within the company
3. Projects, I've done, in outside organizations such as sororities and clubs. (many companies think highly of these items)
4. Conflict I may have encountered from peers or from my employees. Document what the conflict was, how did you resolve it, what was the outcome, and how did you feel during this situation
5. Projects I've worked on with other teammates. Was it successful? Did it not turn out how you wanted it? What did you learn from it.
6. Trainings and certifications you have received during the year
7. Developmental opportunities you would like to take part in to learn and grow in your field such as extra classes, workshops, or conferences that would benefit both you and the company
We would love to believe that our boss remembered when we save the facility $75,000 but sometimes that does slip their mind, so keeping track of what you've done will definitely help with preparing for your review with your boss. KEEP A JOURNAL whether electronically or a simple notebook!!
The Self-Assessment:
You should spend a little time reflecting on the facts, feelings and results of the past period. The facts include what happened, successes and failures. Feelings would be how the employee reacted to the facts and how you felt your boss felt about your successes and failures. And then review the concrete results of your work. This preparation will put you in the right mindset for listening to what your boss has to say and get you thinking about what you want to discuss. The review is about you and your performance. Ask questions about how to improve your performance and to clarify expectations for your current job and the next one you want. Do not make the discussion into a critique of your boss or your peers. That is deflection rather than being useful. Accepting good and bad FEEDBACK. Nevertheless, you might find yourself wanting to deflect or raise a fuss if you receive criticism. Don't let that happen. Defensiveness is never useful. The boss wants an employee to try to understand the criticism first. Whether you disagree with the criticism or not, ask questions about it and try to understand it completely from the boss' point of view. Then if you feel that it's unfair, you can push back...gently. But if you try to push back before you really understand, it will send the message that you are not interested in feedback.Don't forget that all feedback, both the criticism and the praise, is designed to enhance your future work. For example, you've shown a command of your regular job duties, but you're not showing the leadership skills that you'd need to move on to the next level. Therefore you know you can do the job, but you need to demonstrate that you're capable of handling a promotion. The review process isn't about scolding, at least if you have a good boss, it's about making you being a better employee. If the company just wanted to criticize you, they could save everyone the time and send you a mean e-mail. Or just fire you. Your responsibility after the review is to use the criticism and praise you received in the review as guidelines for daily performance. Take a few notes and then think about what concrete steps you can take to actually improve your performance and ensure that your improvements are noticeable. Remember that you don't have to demonstrate things in the next week. After a suitable period of time, perhaps halfway to the next review, ask the boss for feedback on how you are doing on the specific issues that were addressed. That will get you feedback in time to do something about it and will get your boss to try to notice things as well.
The Salary Talk:
When you're thinking about your review, you're probably also thinking about how the outcome affects your pay. In some companies, salary negotiations might be an entirely separate meeting that takes place at a different time. Other businesses use the performance review to handle compensation talks. I urge you to think of the review and the salary discussion as separate issues. If your compensation is going to be discussed, the boss will be the one to mention it first. If the boss doesn't bring it up, at the end, ask how the salary review relates to the performance review. The purpose of performance review is to give an employee feedback about their performance with respect to expectations and to communicate future expectations. A salary review is to reset pay with respect to others in the firm and with the external market. By letting the salary talk occur naturally, you're not moving focus from you or your performance. You show the boss that your mind is on more than the paycheck and you're concerned about what he or she has to say.
What's the Next Step?
Now your review is over, you've shakened your boss' hand and you are now on your way back to your office. Take a deep breath and reflect on everything that happened in the review. Use both the positive and negative feedback as stepping stones.
Questions you should ask yourself:
1. What are my opportunities? this is another and better way of saying weaknesses. Although you should not take too much time out to try to work on your weaknesses because unforunately these items are what we were born with. The only thing you can do is make them as effective as possible so talk to your boss and peers to get feedback on how you can work on your weaknesses.
2. Where do I go next? Do you need extra training in a special field? Well talk to your boss to follow-up with him or her to see if you can sign up for training. Use your resources.
3. Where can I go to get a drink? YES, the review is over, now pat yourself on the back, document what you need to work on, and go celebrate for completing another FABULOUS year with your company!!!!
:-)
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Keep Your FOCUS by ELIMINATING PROCRASTINATION...
All throughout school you habitually procrastinate...15 page paper due September 6th, so you start on it September 5th, major exam on a Monday so you cram all weekend long trying to retain several months of information when really all you had to do was study a small portion each night prior to taking the exam...This is what we do best.
But once you take a step into 'Corporate America' that all has to come to a halt. I have witnessed too many times where a person does a presentation at a Board Meeting and when asked questions, by their peers and bosses, they crumble.Why? Because they waited until the last minute to put together their presentation.
Why do people procratinate?
Here are a few ways to OVERCOME Procrastination
The goal is to keep your focus and prioritize your tasks and job. Ensure you do a thorough job and present top notch work!!
If you need someone to keep you on task, give me a call!!
But once you take a step into 'Corporate America' that all has to come to a halt. I have witnessed too many times where a person does a presentation at a Board Meeting and when asked questions, by their peers and bosses, they crumble.Why? Because they waited until the last minute to put together their presentation.
Why do people procratinate?
- Inadequate resources (information, time, money, etc.)
- Fear of potential negative consequences
- Fear of failure so you avoid the task
- Lack of clear deadlines
- The task feels overwhelming.
When we are given a task we must ask ourselves these questions...
- What are the consequences of delay? Will the situation escalate?
- If so, how will you feel (guilty, regretful, embarrassed, etc)
- Will you continue to think about the task even if you don't do it?
- Do you really work well under pressure? In some ways, do you like it?
- When the crunch time comes, do you behave badly towards others?
- What are your escape routes when you procrastinate (socializing, doing other tasks, daydreaming, etc.)? How can you change your escape routes to reduce the likelihood of procrastination?
- What are your inner beliefs? What is your self-talk? Do you hear messages like, "I'm such a procrastinator, I can't help myself"?
Here are a few ways to OVERCOME Procrastination
- Assign yourself a deadline, write it in your planner, and make a public committment to some your respect who won't let you "off the hook". Tell that person what you want to do, by when, and ask him or her to check up on you. The task can be on a personal or professional level.
- Do the task early. Start your, presentation, research, and fact-finding early. Waiting til "later" creates anxiety; we aren't free from thinking or worrying about it! If you start your project or task early this will give you time to review your final work as well as review your work with your boss to see if you are going in the right direction. He or she will see your engagement and acknowlege that.
- Delegate the task to someone else or look to see if this is a task your even need to do. There are so many times we try to take on everything for fear of seeming weak or disengaged but if the assignment is not adding value then DELETE!
- Reward yourself when you don't procrastinate! Feed your self-esteem with the satisfaction of completing a job on time.
- Ask a mentor or expert for advice. Record his or her thoughts in a planner, possibly behind a numbered tab. When you get ideas for implementing the task, jot them down.
- Tie the task to one of your personal-development values. Always see how the task can influence or make an impact on you personally. That always adds motivation to get the job done!
- Break the task down into smaller pieces/tasks. Use a goal planning tool to help you (ask you boss about this). You want to ensure that you limit the amount of time for your small tasks, no more than 15 to 20 minutes, or else you will procrastinate
- Change your self-talk. Instead of saying, "I'm a procrastinor," say "I honor my committments," 'I keep promises to myself,"...Believe me, this works! I am a true self-talker...Remember, if you don't put trust in yourself who will???
- Lastly, establish an evironment for work. Remove any distractions that would encourage a loss of focus.
The goal is to keep your focus and prioritize your tasks and job. Ensure you do a thorough job and present top notch work!!
If you need someone to keep you on task, give me a call!!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Feedback is a Gift...
"As managers we learn how to give feedback. To achieve our full potential as leaders we need to learn how to ask for feedback."
As a manager it is very easy to give continuous feedback to our employees and team but have you ever taken a step back and asked them for feedback to help drive your success? Highly than likely the answer is NO. Do not feel ashame for this is a weakness of many Leaders.
Our Wake...
A boat moving through the water creates a wake. Behind the boat, waves spread in both directions. The size of the wake depends on the size & speed of the boat; a canoe glides gently over the water creating a gentle ripple, while a speedboat can leave a churning front behind.
We, as humans, create wakes as well - interpersonal wakes. As we move through seas of people, who we are and how we act creates a wake which washes up against those around us. Our wakes are, for the most part, invisible. We catch glimpses of them in the expression of others, but we rarely know for sure what effect our wake has had on them.
In the organizations which form the communities of our lives, our wakes have important consequences. In our businesses, on our teams, with our associates, in our communities and homes, we want a positive wake. We want a wake that lifts others, but does not capsize them.
We want a wake which nutures, not one that needles. One with direction, not just a splash. One that is caring, not caustic, courageous yet tactful. A positive wake is critical to our success. But there is only one way to gauge its impact on others.
It is for them to tell us. That is why "Feedback is a Gift".
Key Points to Remember when asking your peers and team for feedback is:
Step 1: Ask. Be open and simply ask for feedback. To help you, write down exactly what you want to say to that person when asking for feedback.
Step 2: Listen. Listen to what that individual has to say. It will not always be something we want to hear but something we NEED to hear.
Step 3: Thank. Thank that person for the feedback. This will make that person feel comfortable with providing you feedback in the future, especially if this is coming from someone who reports to you. It is already tough for them to be honest with you so thank them so that they feel at ease and feel appreciated.
Step 4: Think. Think about what you will do with the feedback that was given to you. How can you improve in this area. Don't be afraid to ask them for suggestions!
Step 5: Follow-Up. Create a follow-up plan. As you work on the feedback, follow-up with that person to see if they see a change in you. Ask them for feedback on top of the feedback.
Take the risk and ask for FEEDBACK... You want to be more than just a MANAGER, you want to be LEADER as well.
Feedback is a Gift....
As a manager it is very easy to give continuous feedback to our employees and team but have you ever taken a step back and asked them for feedback to help drive your success? Highly than likely the answer is NO. Do not feel ashame for this is a weakness of many Leaders.
Our Wake...
A boat moving through the water creates a wake. Behind the boat, waves spread in both directions. The size of the wake depends on the size & speed of the boat; a canoe glides gently over the water creating a gentle ripple, while a speedboat can leave a churning front behind.
We, as humans, create wakes as well - interpersonal wakes. As we move through seas of people, who we are and how we act creates a wake which washes up against those around us. Our wakes are, for the most part, invisible. We catch glimpses of them in the expression of others, but we rarely know for sure what effect our wake has had on them.
In the organizations which form the communities of our lives, our wakes have important consequences. In our businesses, on our teams, with our associates, in our communities and homes, we want a positive wake. We want a wake that lifts others, but does not capsize them.
We want a wake which nutures, not one that needles. One with direction, not just a splash. One that is caring, not caustic, courageous yet tactful. A positive wake is critical to our success. But there is only one way to gauge its impact on others.
It is for them to tell us. That is why "Feedback is a Gift".
Key Points to Remember when asking your peers and team for feedback is:
Step 1: Ask. Be open and simply ask for feedback. To help you, write down exactly what you want to say to that person when asking for feedback.
Step 2: Listen. Listen to what that individual has to say. It will not always be something we want to hear but something we NEED to hear.
Step 3: Thank. Thank that person for the feedback. This will make that person feel comfortable with providing you feedback in the future, especially if this is coming from someone who reports to you. It is already tough for them to be honest with you so thank them so that they feel at ease and feel appreciated.
Step 4: Think. Think about what you will do with the feedback that was given to you. How can you improve in this area. Don't be afraid to ask them for suggestions!
Step 5: Follow-Up. Create a follow-up plan. As you work on the feedback, follow-up with that person to see if they see a change in you. Ask them for feedback on top of the feedback.
Take the risk and ask for FEEDBACK... You want to be more than just a MANAGER, you want to be LEADER as well.
Feedback is a Gift....
Monday, October 12, 2009
Losing HALF of Me...
I'm starting on a health kick, I need to lose a few extra pounds. Weight loss is such an intense journey. A journey that I know well. In the summer of 2007 I had gotten up to 293 pounds. And today, Summer 2009, I am 168!! Yes 293 to 168! Please believe it was tough shit, but it feels like such a major accomplishment!!
I am now trying to get down to a good & healthy size 8. I am a size 10 currently so it seems as if this should be easy but we'll see :-/ lol.
So as of today, 10/12/2009 at 12:32am, I am 168, size 10.....Let's get it! I'll keep you posted...
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Just Me and the Boa...
YIKES!
So Friday evening, I get off of work and stop by the Rose Spa to get a Pedi (my addiction). Mekia hooked me up, I tried a new color, sky blue, and I love it!! So anyways, I finished up there and stopped by the leasing office to get a glass of wine and then headed to my place. So it's about 7:10pm. I walk into the house, kick off my shoes and head to the kitchen so that I can take my clothes out the washer to put in the dryer. I get to the kitchen and flip the light on and walk towards the laundry room. As I turn the corner, what the hell do I see?! A SNAKE'S Head peeping from under the refrigerator!!!!!!!! A SNAKE! So I walk backwards slowly, because I didn't want to scare the thing. I walk over to the couch and sit up on the head of it to keep my eyes on the snake. I grab the phone and call the leasing office to get someone to get the dang thing. I call the office and they put me thru to maintenance. It is now 7:25pm. Maintenance states that they will send someone to me. I sit and wait and call my Soror Megan, so she can keep me calm. So now it's about 7:45 and the Maintenance team is a NO-SHOW. So I get off the phone with Megs and call the front office again. They inform me that the Maintenance team is coming. It's now 7:50pm. So finally the leasing office calls me back and F'in informs me that I have to call the non-emergency police because there's no one available! So then I ask, do you have their number and he saids NO I DON'T. I'm now pissed. So anyways. I get off the phone and search for a phone book. I get the number and call the police. It's now 8:10pm. The police show up at about 8:15pm. Wow! That was fast and much appreciated!! So the officers come in and go to the kitchen, and of course I stay right on the couch because I am going no where near that thing. So the snake sees them coming towards him and he slides off under the fridge. So the officer moves the fridge and you will never believe what they see! They see a 4 foot long Boa!!! WTF?! A 4 foot Boa under the fridge in my townhouse! You have to be F'in kidding me! So after I finish having a mental breakdown I go back over the couch. The officers keep me well entertained. One is loving the snake and the other is slowly dying at the thought of having to catch this thing.
So back to the snake. The snake slides off and go towards his home, a hole in the wall. He slides in it but not fast enough, because the cop grabs it's tail and holds on. Well the snake gets upset and scared and starts flexing its body. It is now half way into the wall. So I call maintenance again and inform them that the police have to cut the wall open to get the snake. As soon as the cops say this, all of a sudden the maintenance team shows up! What a coincidence?! So the cops take a butter knife and start cutting into the wall. The maintenance team runs to the car and grabs some extra tools and help assist the police. The police gets the wall open and they are able to get the whole snake. I get them a plastic bag and they place the snake in the bag. The snake tuns out to be too big so we double up bags and they tie the bag up and take it outside. Y'all can only imagine my thoughts in this whole thing. Okay, so the police leave with the snake and I go inside and call my mother. I tell her everything and then pack a small bag and head off to a hotel (theres no way I can stay there).
So the next morning, Saturday, I drive to the leasing office to speak to the manager. Well, they inform me that the previous tenant owned a pet snake and while he was away for a weekend, the snake got out. Well the tenant never found the snake, so assumed the snake got outside and went away. WTF? So The Corporate Housing, Apartment Complex, and Previous Owner knew there was a SNAKE in the home but NO ONE told me?!?! You have to be kidding me?!
I am so done.
Okay, so the Corporate Housing Agent puts me in a new Apartment, out on Kinsey. Yes, it feels better to be safe and in a different place but it's still an uneasy feeling that I lived with a Boa for two weeks. But I am ALIVE.
Hmmmm....So for two weeks it was Just Me and the Boa. Welcome to TEXAS!
Friday, August 7, 2009
Feeling Refreshed...
Yes! I am currently on vacation, and I must say, it is very long overdue. I came back to spend time with my family in North Carolina for the week and I've enjoyed every second of it!! I turned the work cell off and only checked email once or maybe twice, lol.
Sometimes people can be so involved in their careers that they totally forget that there are other things out there, i.e. personal lives, loved ones, and mental & physical health. So I totally took advantage of my vacation and had nothing but 'me time'. I caught up on some reading, which is my fave thing to do, I am all about the drama and suspense type stuff, so nothing too serious. I've also been able to catch up with friends too.
A key action item that I've taken away from my 'me time' is that I've decided that I need a makeover. Physical, emotional, and mental. I need to be more positive about life, love and everything in between. I need to learn to take control of my fears and channel all that negative energy towards my happiness and success. It's time to let go of the past. I'm so ready. It's long overdue. And I know I can do it. I just haven't taken the time to let my mind be free of it. As far as physical goes, it's not that I need much of a makeover, (wink, wink) I just want to be in good & healthy shape. I've gotten a jump start on it. I am currently enrolled in Kickboxing Classes and I've been doing that 2-3 days a week but I think I can kick that up a notch, pun intended, lol. I'll definitely continue my bi-weekly pedicures, I must say wearing steel toe boots daily, kind of wears down on the toes :-\ And on the emotional & mental level... Any person who isn't encouraging, supportive, and is just about the drama? You get the two fingers. I'm completely through with drama. I'm washing my hands of it. I'm taking it with a grain of salt and letting it go. I can't do it anymore, honestly. You would be surprised of the people who actually live off of that shit, like little parasites. Sorry guys you are going to have to find someone else to eat off of...As Mariah said "gasping for air, & I'm ventilation".
My mind, heart, & eyes are so wide open.
This vacation has got me feeling so REFRESHED...
Sometimes people can be so involved in their careers that they totally forget that there are other things out there, i.e. personal lives, loved ones, and mental & physical health. So I totally took advantage of my vacation and had nothing but 'me time'. I caught up on some reading, which is my fave thing to do, I am all about the drama and suspense type stuff, so nothing too serious. I've also been able to catch up with friends too.
A key action item that I've taken away from my 'me time' is that I've decided that I need a makeover. Physical, emotional, and mental. I need to be more positive about life, love and everything in between. I need to learn to take control of my fears and channel all that negative energy towards my happiness and success. It's time to let go of the past. I'm so ready. It's long overdue. And I know I can do it. I just haven't taken the time to let my mind be free of it. As far as physical goes, it's not that I need much of a makeover, (wink, wink) I just want to be in good & healthy shape. I've gotten a jump start on it. I am currently enrolled in Kickboxing Classes and I've been doing that 2-3 days a week but I think I can kick that up a notch, pun intended, lol. I'll definitely continue my bi-weekly pedicures, I must say wearing steel toe boots daily, kind of wears down on the toes :-\ And on the emotional & mental level... Any person who isn't encouraging, supportive, and is just about the drama? You get the two fingers. I'm completely through with drama. I'm washing my hands of it. I'm taking it with a grain of salt and letting it go. I can't do it anymore, honestly. You would be surprised of the people who actually live off of that shit, like little parasites. Sorry guys you are going to have to find someone else to eat off of...As Mariah said "gasping for air, & I'm ventilation".
My mind, heart, & eyes are so wide open.
This vacation has got me feeling so REFRESHED...
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